MANFEAR, a list of things for men to bug out about.

38

NP — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 09:48:01 +0000

What if I’m so deep undercover, I’ve forgotten I’m undercover?

37

NP — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 17:31:42 +0000

I’m at that age where if I were cheese I would taste crazy.

36

NP — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 17:11:54 +0000

I can’t decide whether to go on a shopping spree, a feeding frenzy or a murderous rampage.

35

NP — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 17:06:21 +0000

If life’s a beach, then it’s ALWAYS bikini season!

34

NP — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 17:01:35 +0000

My lengthy neck may be awfully attractive in a suit, but it’s terribly vulnerable in a skirmish.

33

NP — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:59:44 +0000

If I was a musician, and my music was played for a toaster covered in ectoplasm, would it dance?

32

NP — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:51:07 +0000

I don’t have a signature pose, accessory or sign-off. If not now, when?

31

NP — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:06:38 +0000

The carbs go right to my UTB/OTJ area. (Under The Belt/Over The Junk)

30

NP — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:56:55 +0000

As a matter of fact yes. I would prefer it if I could pick which organs I can donate. That way some lucky burn victim can count on the fact that they got my good side.

29

NP — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:55:30 +0000

Seriously considering elective plastic surgery is just one more way I’m a lot like Liberace.

28

NP — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:33:39 +0000

What if my back gets totally jacked but my pecs are totally underjacked?

27

NP — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:32:35 +0000

When I interpret a wink, I waaaaay overdo it.

26

NP — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:12:39 +0000

When I think “emergency” I think “pen-tracheotomy”.

25

NP — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:11:23 +0000

I feel like it’s totally OK to cheat on stuff after high school. But I also feel like I might think that because no one cares what I’m doing.

24

NP — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:09:36 +0000

I wonder what percentile I would score on the Grown-Up Test?

23

NP — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:08:18 +0000

My belly is emulating the shape of my ass. Unfortunately my ass is emulating Shakira.

22

NP — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:07:36 +0000

I just got my haircut. I think they gave me mini-bangs.

21

NP — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:05:51 +0000

At what point do you know “I’m gonna ge one of those crazy WC Fields noses.” Will it be too late to stop?

20

NP — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:25:15 +0000

C. Thomas Howell

19

NP — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:21:03 +0000

At this rate I could have a 2 year old when the world ends in 2012. What an annoying age for your kid to be during The Apocalypse.

18

NP — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:35:01 +0000

“We’re gonna need a bigger belt.”

17

NP — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:33:44 +0000

Would it be worse to go bald or have a balding girlfriend and not be bald?

16

NP — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:32:28 +0000

I known that gum disease can be indicative of heart disease. But what of my unusually small nipples?

15

NP — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:31:22 +0000

Which is worse to have? Noisy Dog or Ugly Baby?

14

NP — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:29:32 +0000

What if I never get better? (NOTE:I don’t have cancer or something. I just mean “at anything”.)

13

NP — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:26:16 +0000

What do I do if I libel someone? Have I ever been libelled? Am I libelling myself by discussing the possibility of libelling myself?

12

NP — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:20:23 +0000

They found water on the moon. And my butt is incredibly hairy.

11

NP — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:19:27 +0000

That broccoli smell does not seem to be going away.

10

NP — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:25:24 +0000

Jude Law

9

NP — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:17:53 +0000

I may very well look silly from behind.

8

NP — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:14:26 +0000

No matter how hard I work on my relationship, when I get older and have to wear diapers, it will still be embarrassing.

7

NP — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:12:51 +0000

At some point, I may get a goiter.

6

NP — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:11:27 +0000

Most famous people find the time to do drugs, vacation and eat out every night while still being more successful than me.

5

NP — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:08:51 +0000

I’ll never really know what the middle of my body smells like.

4

NP — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:05:58 +0000

At some point, women stopped swooning. What are we doing wrong?

3

NP — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:10:43 +0000

Worldwide there are approximately 107 males for every 100 females. So, if I get infected with a zombie virus, I’ll probably have to eat a dude.

2

NP — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:07:57 +0000

The average scrotum descends .75 centimeters per year beginning at age 28. The knee of the average man is 30.48 centimeters away from his junk. This means by age 85 my balls will be at knee level.

1

NP — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:45:05 +0000

I will never enjoy New York as much as Woody Allen. Woody Allen hates his life.